As I was sitting at my computer this morning trying to decide what piece of writing to submit to the National Day of Writing, I had a revelation. I discovered that I am incapable of disregarding the fact that people may judge my writing. I was afraid to submit any of my work because I was so paranoid they’d judge it, and as a result, judge me as a person. I ALWAYS have an audience inside my head that I am constantly trying to please. I had to overcome these inner voices and just pick a piece. I chose to submit my one-pager, because, while some people might not like my opinions/writing…I feel strongly about the issue I wrote about.
I also chose my one-pager, however, because I have not saved a single piece of expressive writing since I’ve come to the University. I was looking through all my old files and folders on my computer, and the only things I have saved are essays I have written for class. How depressing! This needs to change—immediately.
I like how Britton writes that, “Because expressive writing is appropriate to a relaxed and trusting relationship, it is also a form of writing in which we are willing to take risks. If we don't take risks in our thinking we are not free to explore, discover, learn. This, then, is the bonus: that is to say, while expressive writing (or talk) is not necessarily, or even usually, exploratory, it has a strong potential in that direction, a strong heuristic potential.” I like the idea of expressive writing being a medium through which one can learn. Now, why don’t I have any form of free writing saved on my computer?
I guess it’s because when I started college, the assignments required for a grade took up so much of my time, I lost any free time I once had to write. In order to be an effective teacher someday, I can’t be a hypocrite and ask my students to write freely and expressively on their own, if I don’t even take the time to.
I’ve decided that this needs to change starting today. From now on, I will make time to rediscover expressive writing—something that is so important to learning. Excuse me, while I go attempt to write a poem…
That's so sad:( Might I recommend a fiction/creative writing/poetry class? Generally, You have full freedom to write whatever you please, and you won't feel guilty about because you'll get credit for it. It's really liberating when you have 12 other traditional hours. You'll have to get workshopped, but most people are real nice, and you can always trash the mean ones when it is their turn to share. Did you ever write your poem?
ReplyDeleteI was PETRIFIED to submit something- which led me to be actually very angry that we were being forced to share writing online (it seems to go against the spirit of the thing). I too, kept reading pieces and thinking about what others would say and think about them (and then me). I did not find a lot of expressive stuff either- and went with a blog post. Love your quote from Britton!
ReplyDeleteI was also very nervous about submitting, but then figured there were so many that mine wouldn't stand out unless it was really bad (and I'm pretty sure it wasn't). I guess you have to fake it until you make it--I'm sure many accomplished writers felt the same way, even after being published multiple times. The fear is what helps us writing quality pieces, so no one will think it was dumb.
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